Attached is a copy of my second elevator pitch. Any feedback is appreciated.
Reflection of the Feedback I Received
I think that the feedback I received was great. I think it all was very constructive, and I tried my hardest to incorporate it all into this pitch. The two that stood out the most to me were from Lily and Tracie. Lily said that I should spend more time talking about how I am going to solve the problem instead of talking about the problem. I think this is very helpful because if I were in front of someone, they would know that there is a problem but not really have a good grasp on how I am going to solve the problem. Tracie talked about how I lacked excitement in my presentation. I think this is great advice because no one would want to go into business with someone who isn't excited about their own idea. One piece of feedback that surprised me was actually Lily's. I thought I spent a good amount of time on my solution, but after going back and rewatching my first pitch, I realized that I didn't do it enough. I though everyone's advice was very helpful and it definitely made this version of the pitch better!
How I Incorporated the Feedback
The first couple pieces of advice I received (from Sophia and Ashley) had to do with me talking about my team and using the word "we" instead of "I". I tried to incorporate this feedback into my pitch by adding a section about my team. In this section, I talk about the people who are going to create the online presences for these small businesses. By adding this section, I think I addressed both Sophia and Ashley's advice because it shows that this business is about more than just me but everyone who is a part of our team. I tried to address Tracie's advice by changing the setup of the room I'm taping in. I put my video recorder on a little bit of a higher surface (this didn't really solve the problem because I'm a little bit on the taller side and can't really find a surface tall enough to be chest/eye level). I also tried to talk with more excitement. Finally, when it came to Lily's advice, I divided my pitch into two parts: the problem and the solution. I tried to keep the "problem" section to about 30 seconds which gave me about 60 seconds to talk about the "solution". I think setting a time limit on the "problem" section made it where I had to spend more time talking about how I was going to solve the problem.
Hi Will,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed getting to see how you took the feedback from the last time around and incorporated it into your pitch this time. Your pitch was much more descriptive and really grabbed me from the beginning. I think that as you memorize the pitch more, you could work on using different inflections of your voice to emphasize certain pieces so they stand out to your audience more. Other than that, this was great!
Hi Will,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job of incorporating the feedback into your new pitch. You did address many of the concerns that were brought up (including that fan). I really liked that you actually told us what you do this time and explained part of what people will get when they work with you. I continue to suggest that you really practice your pitch and speak from the heart- it doesn't need to be word for word- meaning if you forget what your script is just go with it- keep going- your audience doesn't have your script and you are the subject matter expert. The audience really doesn't know the difference anyway, we just want to be compelled to know more. Overall much improved content and presentation- just keep working on that emotion and connection.